Deb Donoghue reflects on Maddie Bahar

Remembering Maddie

My first memory of Maddie was when she was in the middle school.  I followed Maddie and her mother down the second floor hallway and I was struck by her light hearted innocent little dance steps as she out paced her mother.  As a friend of the family because of the friendship between my son Ben and Maddie’s brother Martin, I watched Maddie grow up, mature but never change from the light hearted, happy, playful person.

In the Upper School, Maddie discovered a true passion with Art History and her teacher, Ginny Bradford, remembers her well. “She was a pleasure to teach.  She was one of those students with which you had an instant rapport because she was so excited about the material and especially the Italian Renaissance.  Maddie was full of what she loved and she knew what it was.  She always sat in the front row of art history class, drinking it in, asking all kinds of questions.”

The Bahars received a note from former teacher Rebecca Scheirer Fishburne and in it she said, "Maddie was one of my favorite students when I taught at Bullis and some of my fondest classroom memories are of Maddie and her friends.  Maddie has an unfettered enthusiasm and sense of joy that made her special."

Dr. Richard K. Jung (Headmaster 1991-2003) remembers, “In 2001, The Girls Varsity Basketball team was at an all time high under coach Wayne Ferrell and with marquee players like Monique Currie, Krystalyn Ellerbe and Erin Ferrell.   I sat through many games to say with authority that nothing….and I mean nothing brought the fans to their feet and the roar of bulldog pride louder than when everyone’s favorite, Maddie Bahar stepped on to the floor.  It still gives me goose bumps remembering the tremors that ran through the bleachers and the ear-piercing shouts of MADDIE, MADDIE, MADDIE!!! when she entered the game.  Maddie was characteristically humble and almost embarrassed by her celebrity status.  Moments I joyously remember.

Ben Brundred shared with me “Maddie was the first friend I made at Bullis and I'll never forget the first time I met her.  We were on our outdoor ed. trip at the beginning of Freshman year and we were at a campground, in a big field at the bottom of a hill.  I noticed a girl walking around looking very content.  She started singing a "Backstreet Boys" song to herself, but when Maddie sang to herself she SANG to herself - at full volume.  We struck up a conversation and from that moment I knew she was good people.  Even at that time in our lives when being cool was everything, Maddie was incredibly grounded and true to herself.  She was always ready for a good time and she had such a wonderful laugh - a real belly, in your gut kind of laugh.  I miss spending time with her because she was so easy to be around and made everyone relax.  You could forget your worries and have a good laugh with her about nothing in particular.  We all miss her greatly.”

Maddie went on to major in art History at Kenyon College.  After graduation she continued her education following her passion to George Washington University where she completed a graduate degree in Museum education.

A crazy picture of Maddie with a pink crane and the caption “Madizzle” is the header for the following: “SWF 5’11’, enjoys laughing, watching TV and movies, throwing theme parties at her crib, dancing when the music moves her.” That is the first thing one sees when visiting “Maddie’s World”, a blog she created to remain in contact with all of her friends and family.

One cold Tuesday this past February, the entire Bullis School happily struggled to fold bright colored slips of paper into elegant origami cranes.  When we delivered the hundreds of cranes that has been folded on Maddie’s behalf, her face lit up as the cranes bobbed about while her father hung the curtain of color around her.  The cranes provided a moment of frivolity and she told us of her planes to visit Italy and pressed us for details.  Her smile and energy never faded even in the last days of her illness.

A few days before Maddie died she wrote in her blog “I’m still here”.  I’m not at all sure what the real reference to that statement is but it struck a cord with many people at Bullis as it implies Maddie’s enduring spirit and the fact that her memories are “still here” with us at Bullis.

Short piece on Maddie (September, 2012)

(Written September 2012)

“It is not length of life, but depth of life”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Since February 9th, 2009, my family and I have had a constant day-to-day struggle understanding the reality of the human condition. Questions of why, how, and for what cross our minds recurrently as we deal with the passing of our 25-year old beam of light, Madeleine Beverly Bahar, whose qualities of genuineness, caring, and generosity left a permanent mark on all of the lives she touched on her all-too-short stint on earth.  When you lose a loved one, in my case an older sister, there is no specific amount of time that exonerates you from the feelings of grief and sadness you experience daily, no answer for the infinite number of questions surrounding her passing, and no expressions of condolences that can bring your sister back to life.  Maddie’s time has passed and, while we know we will see her once again, it unfortunately will not be here on earth.  She rests in a better place now and, as hard as it is to cope with her passing from our perspective, we take faith knowing she no longer has to suffer.

Maddie’s legacy is one that is strong and one that transcends time. Her imprint on our world remains through the incredible memories she shared with friends and family, the charitable efforts she displayed to those less fortunate over the years, and the resilience and optimism she exhibited in the most trying of times. She displayed her selflessness, grace and character during both her best of times and her worst of times, through sickness and in health.  She will always be remembered as somebody who put the well-being of others first, something not only seen through her work with Greater DC Cares and Loaves and Fishes, but also with her daily treatment of others.  Regardless of her situation, she never wanted somebody else to have a bad day.  Others always came first in Maddie’s world.

Since her passing, my family and I have taken part in the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society’s Light the Night walk.  Every year communities throughout the United States and Canada, through teams of families, friends, and co-workers, come together to raise money to bring hope to people battling blood cancers as part of a 5k walk. In 2009, our family formed Maddie’s Team and has since raised over $60,000 to support those battling blood cancers nationwide. The Light the Night walk is a terrific event to honor Maddie as it brings people together in an incredibly positive atmosphere and raises a substantial amount of money to help others.  The event symbolizes the altruistic manner through which Maddie lived her life and serves as a way for our family to carry on her beautiful legacy.  Information regarding our team’s fundraising efforts and the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society can be found at:

http://pages.lightthenight.org/nca/Montcomd12/MaddiesTeam.

One difficult thing I do occasionally is read through Maddie’s blog that she started when she entered the hospital in June 2008. It is hard not to get emotional reading it as it brings up so many memories, both good and bad, about my late sister. One consistent thing she conveys throughout her struggle is a beaming sense of optimism and grace through adversity. I encourage you to check out her blog at http://maddiebahar.blogspot.com/ to get an idea about the type of person Maddie was. It has not been updated and, likely, rarely visited by others since her passing, but it serves as an available means through which somebody can realize the type of person Maddie was without ever having met her. She was one of a kind.

MB